Gatekeepers vs. the Gate
Europe stopped asking “did you hurt anyone?” and started asking “did you follow the rules?” The gatekeepers’ answers were creative.
Satire & commentary. Lines marked Source summarize the linked documents published on this site (AI-assisted research reports by Albert Lane; check their cited references before relying on them). Lines marked Gotcha are opinion and satire, not statements of fact. No private individuals; no invented quotes. Corrections: lane.albert@pm.me.
What the record says
- SourceThe Digital Markets Act (Regulation (EU) 2022/1925) replaces slow, effects-based antitrust cases with up-front (ex ante) obligations for designated “gatekeepers”. (Inquiry #92, §1.1)
- SourceGatekeepers named in the inquiry: Alphabet, Amazon, Apple, ByteDance, Meta and Microsoft. Fines can reach 10% of global annual turnover, 20% for systematic infringement. (Inquiry #92, §1.1)
- SourceIn March 2024 the Commission opened non-compliance proceedings against Alphabet, Apple and Meta. (Inquiry #92, §1.2)
- SourcePer the inquiry, in case DMA.100193 Alphabet responded to the self-preferencing rule with “subtractive changes”, removing some search display units, and the Commission found this was not effective compliance. (Inquiry #92, §1.2)
- SourcePer the inquiry, in case DMA.100109 the Commission’s preliminary findings said Apple’s €0.50-per-install Core Technology Fee (after one million installs) and multi-step install flows were barriers to contestability; Apple appealed. (Inquiry #92, §1.2)
- SourceThe inquiry reports preliminary views that AWS and Microsoft Azure meet the gatekeeper threshold, plus a market investigation into cloud services. (Inquiry #92, §1.3)
Gotchu
GotchaCompliance by Subtraction
Told not to favour your own shop window, you remove the window. The corporate version of winning an argument by leaving the room.
GotchaThe Toll Booth at the Exit
Sideloading is now allowed. It costs fifty cents a head once you are popular. Freedom, with a turnstile.
GotchaEx Ante, Explained
Old rule: prove the harm, then wait ten years. New rule: break the rule, pay the percentage. Gotchu.